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Posted February 12, Reviewed by Abigail Fagan. Have you ever tried to win somebody back you've ly broken up with? Man, is it hard. My friend just came out of a divorce and he was unfortunate enough to immediately meet a great woman. He knew he was in trouble. She was terrific—and he even loved her—but he couldn't tell her as much because he needed more time before re-committing. After a few months of superficially dating a couple of nice women he had little interest in, he realized his mistake and tried to win his love back. But she was already gone. In treating many clients over the years I've seen this dynamic several times—I've even experienced it myself in my youth.
There's a reason why the line: "That's the one that got away," is so popular. Most of us have experienced the "failure to recoup," and it serves as a valuable resource for romantics worldwide. Where would songwriters and other artists be without this dynamic? Based on clinical experience, and my interviews with friends, students, and colleagues, I have come to several conclusions regarding this aspect of reconciliation.
While hardly a large sample size, I believe the following will at least stir up a thoughtful discussion on the matter:. What can be done to avoid this type of loss? The fatalists I've interviewed believed: "If it didn't work the first time, it wasn't meant to be. I'm a bit more existential. I believe we have choices and that the clearer and more honest we are about what we want, and the less internal conflict we have about getting it, the sooner we can make an appropriate choice.
That said, if you're not truly sure that you want to win the Super Bowl, or you feel uncomfortable being a champion, then you may very well let the opportunity slip by—an opportunity that may never come your way again. In praise of icons everywhere. Stephen J. Betchen, D. Worry is driven by mood, not logic. Anxiety holds your deepest yearnings. And you can subdue it for good. Three experts turn everything you know about anxiety inside out.
Betchen D. Magnetic Partners. About the Author. Online: Twitter. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. September A Sigh of Relief Worry is driven by mood, not logic. Back Today. The 10 Core Values of Baby Boomers. Essential Re.How to win the one you love back
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